Natalie Franke
In today’s episode, we are talking about something that impacts half of CEOs half of you. And it is so dangerous to your health that it is similar in lifespan impact to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Any guesses? We are talking about loneliness, I have the opportunity to sit down with award winning journalist Best Selling Author and founder Antonio Neves to talk specifically about the loneliness epidemic, and how we can fight back against the friendship recession. This episode, you do not want to miss it. Before we dive in, please note that this episode contains conversations and statistics about loneliness, mental health and suicide. If you’re not in a place to listen to this, we truly understand and encourage you to skip today’s episode. Hey, everyone, this is your host, Natalie Frank, and you’re listening to the independent business podcast, more people than ever are working for themselves and building profitable businesses in the process. So on this show, I sit down with some of the most influential authors, entrepreneurs and creators to break down the science of self made success so that you can achieve it.
Natalie Franke
Antonio, thank you so much for joining me.
Antonio Neves
I’m so happy to be here with you.
Natalie Franke
We always have a good time when we’re talking. And even prior to hopping on this, I was like I need to hit the record button because you just started dropping gold before we even kicked off this interview. And the subject that we were talking about is something that you and I both are very passionate about. We’re talking about the loneliness epidemic, we’re talking about this friendship recession, we’re talking about the fact that so many people are struggling with this. It’s not something we talk about a lot like I mean, truly, maybe you and I do but beyond that, that’s something people like to talk about. And yet, there are so many misconceptions about who it impacts for example, a lot of people think, Oh, if you are successful, if you’re at the top of your game, if you have a ton of followers and friends or a big company that you’ve built, this just isn’t something you struggle with. But I’m curious to know if if you’ve seen that to be different, or what your thoughts are around all of the above.
Antonio Neves
Yeah, the friendship recession. That term which was coined a couple of years ago is absolutely real. I specifically as you look at it when it comes to men, it’s estimated that one in seven men do not have a single friend in their life. Think about that. It’s estimated that 50% of men don’t have the number of friends that they would like. And people said to slip typically stereotypically, but research backs this up typically men don’t share what’s really going on in their life with people with their community and other men. So right now men are struggling with loneliness with isolation with with this connection. And, you know, it’s easy to think that we’re not because we have access to our, to our phone to to send that text or to leave that voice note or to jump on social media. But that is not a substitution for real human connection and men are going through it. And look, Natalie, I experienced this myself. This was like the genesis of my book stop living on autopilot. Eight years ago, like according to the internet, I was living my best life ever. I was speaking on stages all across the world. I was married to a beautiful woman had newborn twins had the house with the white picket fence. And I don’t want to make you know, listeners jealous, but we also were driving a sexy Honda Odyssey minivan. According to the internet, I was living my best life ever. But beside behind the scenes, I was straight up struggling with these newfound responsibilities as an entrepreneur, what it meant to be a husband and what it meant now to be a father, something I didn’t really experience growing up. And what did I start to do, I started to isolate. And I started to disconnect. And things did not change for the better for me until I stopped isolating wasn’t until I stopped disconnecting and started reconnecting with my community intentionally with a specific group of men. That changed absolutely everything for me.
Natalie Franke
What pushed you out of the isolation? Was it a specific instance a moment? Was it something like what actually got you to take that step outside of the loneliness bubble? The darkness, I think of it like a rain cloud, to kind of forge a path forward that was different.
Antonio Neves
Yeah, well, there’s a couple of things. One during this time, I actually developed a horrible secret habit. I became a secret cigarette smoker. And I will never forget, one day I was smoking a cigarette in an alley in Santa Monica, California. And what I perceived to be a homeless man came to ask to borrow a couple of cigarettes. And he looked like he had many better days. So I gave him a couple of cigarettes and we started talking like cigarette smokers do and he noticed that I was wearing this bright green glove on my hand like this plastic glove and he’s like, why are you wearing this green gardening gloves on In your hand while you smoke, and I was like, my wife doesn’t know that I smoke, I wear this so she can smell the stench on my hand. He looked at me like I committed a crime, like he felt sorry for me. Yeah, he was going through something horrible. And he looked at me directly in the eyes and said, Hey, man, you got to figure that out. You got to figure that out. And that moment was like a catalyst for me to start changing things. And it was a reminder that sometimes, you know, angels can show up in the most unique places in our lives. And I’m also fortunate during this time that I had a group of friends that regularly would check in on me, and that would regularly invite me out. And this is a great reminder to everyone listening and watching right now to check in on your friends. We make a lot of assumptions that everything is cool in their life, based on text based on social media updates, etc. But you never know what someone is going through. And what this led to was me meeting with a group of guys on a regular basis. Every Thursday morning at 7am. We met for a walk and talk and a hike. And we talked about business, we talked about relationships, we talked about health, we talked about finances, we talked about parenting, you name it, and it was an environment that was very intentional. Because what we were doing, we were being allies to one another, those people that encourage you that inspire you, that challenge you that push you and here’s a big one that hold you accountable to be the absolute best version of yourself. Those guys knew something was going on. And finally I was vulnerable enough to be willing to share with this group. Why? Because they were vulnerable enough to share with me as well. And now was a major catalyst for me breaking out of this fog, it was straight up community that I was expected to see every single week.
Natalie Franke
And as business owners, it’s so easy for us to feel like we have to put that facade up all the time and make it look like you know, everything’s perfect from the outside. But yet, behind the scenes is where we really need community that we can show up to in that vulnerable state of saying like, Hey, this is something I’m struggling with, or I’m going through. And honestly, I just need either someone to listen or some advice, and it’s in that type of Safe Space safe environment. I’m curious, I heard you say recently, you know that you need to find friends. You can have breakfast with specifically breakfast or coffee. Right. And you mentioned the mornings and you are again like the founder behind man morning, the newsletter, the community, the chapters that are now growing. What is it about the mornings for you? What is it about community that gathers at that point of time in the day that you found to be so impactful?
Antonio Neves
Yeah, so these guys that I would meet with, there’s like six or seven of us and we’d meet every week again in the morning. And we ended up calling it man morning, because we were all dudes that we got together in the morning. And Natalie, there’s something special about meeting a group of friends at 7am or 8am. First, think about your friends right now, how many of your friends do you have that will meet you for breakfast or a cup of coffee at seven or 8am? A lot of people don’t have those folks in their life. But there’s something powerful about meeting at that time for coffee or breakfast. You know, I have nothing against meeting at 6pm or 7pm for for cocktails or beverages. But the truth of the matter is this. The conversations that you have over coffee or tea or breakfast in the morning, those conversations are very different than the conversations you have after work in the evening over cocktails or beer. I’m not judging that cocktail or beer conversation. Those are cool, you can have a great time. But the intention of starting your day with the sun, it is so empowering. Like you know, we obviously we know a workout can can boost endorphins. And those things get the day going extremely well guess what? Those types of conversations can do the exact same thing. And it actually even changes something the night before, like whatever your plans are like, Oh, I’m going to bed early tonight. Oh, I’m not going to have a drink tonight because I’m meeting my friends. Those morning conversations can change absolutely everything.
Natalie Franke
I love that I and I’m someone that we were just chatting about this. I’ve got two little kids, two toddlers. So staying a bit like after 8pm staying up past that point. Hasn’t happened in a long time in this house, which is so embarrassing to say but I’m more of a morning person now that my kids are waking me up at 5am Like clockwork anyway. So, you know, I can definitely attest to that. And to the power of those conversations early especially with friends that are in that season of life running a business raising kids, they’re up at the same time. Like there’s power in surrounding yourself with folks that are willing to walk through life with you and I love that you found that circle and those people
Antonio Neves
and you bring up an interesting point like once you get married you have kids you have other responsibilities as the day goes on. The odds of certain things happening decrease like if I don’t get my workout in in the morning do you think it’s gonna happen after 5pm You know, if you don’t really connect with your spouse early like post dinner with the kids these conversations that are happening we’re know we’re exhausted. So I find the only way to do certain things that I care about most times is to do them in the morning. And do I like getting up early to work out before the kids wake up? No, I really dislike it. But if I don’t do it, odds are it’s not going to happen as the day progresses.
Natalie Franke
Yeah, I like the walking aspect to that you’ve thrown that in there. It’s something like my husband and I walk a lot, we try to get 10 to 12,000 steps a day. And that’s a newer thing that we’ve started doing. But just the power in movement, to open your mind to have conversation, I use that technique a lot when as a manager in a leadership capacity. When there’s something stressful happening, you know, whether it’s, you know, at my job, or with a teammate, or going through a launch, I always say walk and talk, let’s walk and talk, let’s, let’s get outside of our current space, or enclosed environment. Let’s get into the outdoors, let’s open our minds and start to move. Or just shifting that around, which is so cool, too. And, and I find that so interesting. One thing I want to zero in on here that really struck me, I was listening to an interview that you did. And you said two of the most dangerous words that you can hear somebody say, when you ask them how they’re doing. Do you Do you know what I’m talking about? I
Antonio Neves
know exactly what you’re talking about. Can I tell you what those two words are? Yeah. So
Natalie Franke
if you ask somebody, how are you doing? And they respond,
Antonio Neves
I’m fine. I’m fine. Those are two of the most dangerous words you can hear. Because most times behind I’m fine. Is stress is fear, our challenges, our problems, all these things that we don’t know about as men, dude, we’re really good at saying I’m fine. Now, especially and I coach, so many of these men and women who say they are fine. These are leaders, these are CEOs, these are executives with a lot of responsibilities. And the truth is this the reason why people say I’m fine, it’s not necessarily because they don’t necessarily want help or need help. It’s because these are many high performers, that they’ve checked off many of the boxes in life that you’re supposed to check off to be successful. You get your education, you have a good income, you have a good career, maybe you’re married, maybe you have kids, maybe you have that whole Everyone dreams about they’ve accomplished that American dream, and beyond. And then they feel this guilt, this guilt of who am I to complain, there is so much going on. In this world, there are so many challenges. So many people will have a worse than me. So they feel this guilt, but really opening up and sharing what’s really going on in their lives. So that’s why I always say make sure you check in on your friends. And if someone says I’m fine, use that level three global listening and just say, I hear you say you’re fine. But based on the tone of your voice and your energy. When I say it, I’m actually hearing something else. What’s really going on. So you have to follow up on that question. You just can’t accept it right then in there. Again, these people feel guilty. And when it comes to like, you know, this isolation epidemic and this this loneliness epidemic is leading to real mental health challenges is leading to physical health challenges. And we can talk about even suicide, what breaks my heart is that 80% of suicides are committed by men. And I wonder, I know every situation is unique now that but I wonder how many of these men for a long time told people that I’m fine, I’m okay, I’m doing all right, check in on your friends, people need more support than you think they do. And right now, right now, the listeners don’t want you to think about somebody in your life that has told you they’re doing fine. And when you stop listening to this, pick up the phone and give them a call.
Natalie Franke
That is such incredible advice. And especially as business owners, like we’ve talked about in these roles of leadership with all of the responsibility on your shoulders, you feel like you have to answer I’m fine. And so something that I’ve done is, you know, I’ll always tell friends, especially if we’ve had this conversation, we’re hanging out in a group and they say, oh, yeah, I’m fine. And when we leave that group, when I have the one on one time, I always remind them, you know, it’s okay, if you’re not fine with me. Like, when you talk to me, it’s okay, if you’re not fine. I’m a space where I’m here, whatever you need to extend that opening. And even as you talked about people coming forward and being vulnerable, you can always be the first one, if you really send somebody struggling and maybe just doesn’t feel safe to share it. Don’t be afraid to be the first one to be vulnerable, right? And I know you’ve you’ve shared that be willing to kind of step forward and be vulnerable and share something that maybe you’re walking through that’s difficult that you’re struggling with
Antonio Neves
you bring up a really important point. And what I’ve learned in my life, this this is in personal relationships, business relationships, and that is that revealing can actually create intimacy, the more we’re willing to share them, the more it can open up with others as well. But we have to be willing to be vulnerable, like vulnerability isn’t an option. If you want deep connection. In something else, we must know especially if you’re a leader, if you’re the head of a department, if you’re the head of an organization, sometimes you’re not necessarily going to be able to get that support from the folks that report to you and beyond. But that’s why it’s important to join organizations whether it’s a man morning or other organizations that support support IT leaders or coaching groups, etc. So you can talk to peers, you can talk to colleagues who are experiencing similar things with my man morning group, sometimes Natalie, I’ll go through an hour like I did today. And I barely spoke during the whole hour this morning, but I got so much out of it, because I was reminded that I’m not the only one experiencing what I’m experiencing. And other people are experiencing this as well. And these community, there’s people that support you, here’s the deal. They don’t have to be your best friends, right? These are the people you kick it with every single day you connect with every single day. But they can be part of that community where there is trust, where there is confidentiality, because let’s be clear, not everyone deserves to hear your story that everyone deserves to hear your story. But go to those places where these people exist and be willing to share and 100% will be reciprocated.
Natalie Franke
Never underestimate the impact of one powerful conversation on the trajectory of your entire life. And that is all it takes that one conversation in a space like you’re describing, to transform everything in life. And in business. I want to pivot a little bit from this struggle that we experienced with loneliness to this opportunity that each of us has to do exactly what you’re saying lean into community get kind of moving and take action in finding a space where you can lean in. Part of what I loved most about your book, stop living on autopilot, was the fact that you encourage people to take personal accountability. And I’m going to share just one quote that I really love from you, that says a new job, new zip code or more money can’t save you. Only you can. It’s an inside job.
Antonio Neves
Oh, that that right, there is some heat, some heat that I wrote, by the way, here’s the here’s the Polish version of the book, as well. A lot of times we think if we move across country, if we move to Bali, if we get a brand new job, if we leave that relationship and get a brand new relationship, everything miraculously is going to get better. But guess what, if you move to Bali, you get a new relationship, you get a brand new job, guess who’s still there you are, you’re still there, I want to just remind all of us and you know, my book, as you know, is definitely filled with, I’ll call it some tough love. But love is critical. I’m a firm believer that I love giving folks pat on the back. So everything’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be all right. And people deserve to hear the truth, as well. And I want to remind people right now, and by the way, everything in the book, I was reminding myself, you know, first and foremost, this isn’t just me speaking from some mountaintop telling folks to do X, Y, and Z like, No, this is for me as well. You know, people care about us, Natalie. And no one can care more about our lives than we do. I have to remind myself each and every single day that no one owes me anything. But we owe ourselves absolutely everything. And we talked so much in society about this word commitment, like you got to commit you got to commit commitment is not a one time thing. When it comes to your marriage. When it comes to your work. When it comes to parenting. When it comes to committing to that community, you have to recommit every single day, to what’s most important. And that’s me being willing to do the work as well. I also posted something recently that hit a lot of people in the face in a good way. And it was something to the tune of a standing ovation, won’t heal your pain. I say that because I speak in organizations about workplace engagement and team building, and, you know, productivity, etc, you know, 40 to 50 times a year. And I get so many people that come to me that want to be speakers and Tonio. I see you speaking on these stages in front of 5000 people and hundreds of people, how can I be a speaker? And then I’ll dig in. And I’ll ask them some questions about their interest in speaking and what they want to share and why they want to do that. And I can tell what they’re really seeking Natalie, they’re seeking validation. They’re seeking a round of applause. They’re they’re seeking people pointing at them. It’s kind of like 20, think about Twitter or social media. And that blue checkmark that people get, and after I remind myself is a guy that works in TV, who saw that validation who wanted to be picked, so I felt loved that I felt a value. That validation starts from within now, and no blue checkmark on social media can verify you, you were verified the day that you were born, there is work to be done and we have to commit to doing that. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with people who make you better. People who are going to push you and hold you accountable friends, you know, some people will tell you, your friend, someone will say something to the tune of like, oh yeah, I know I missed that opportunity. I didn’t do it, but it’s never too late. You need that friend that leans in and says you know it’s never too late. But the longer you wait the harder it’s going to get. Today’s the day, lean forward, take action commit, and then recommit tomorrow as well. If I keep going, I’m gonna start preaching. So we better we better be careful over here.
Natalie Franke
I didn’t want to say anything, I just want to let you keep rolling, I am soaking this up. And I cannot wait to re listen to this entire episode on repeat anytime I just need a little nudge and a little push. And I love you said no one owes you anything, but you owe yourself everything. And I think that that is something that you know, I see a lot I know you work a lot like in building community for men. And in my space, I work with all folks, especially though when I’m sitting down with women, I find that we are often and this this transcends I mean, it’s like all of us deal with this. But we are often the ones who are running around trying to take care of everybody else. And a business owners. That’s literally what we do joy and service. We’re serving clients, we’re serving customers, we’re racing around trying to help everybody else. And it can be so easy to forget that we owe it to ourselves, right to take care of us first that we can’t, you know, create that extraordinary company or lead that dynamic team, if we’re not first nurturing the source of that leadership. And I’d love to hear from you, you know, what are some of the things that you do to take care of yourself to guard you know, that to guard your heart to guard and protect that energy source that creativity within you with all of the work that you’re doing the travel that you’re doing speaking on stages in front of 1000s and 1000s of people, it takes a lot out of you? What is it for you that keeps you grounded that protects that for you?
Antonio Neves
Yeah, there are a variety of things. But first, I just, you know, for that person listening, and I’m talking to myself as well. But that’s one where have you considered loving yourself the way that you love others? Have you considered servicing yourself the way that you service others? Right? What what keeps me grounded is I can I can tell you, you know, I’m the author of this book, that’s been a stop living autopilot that’s been translated into multiple languages, I can tell you that I speak on 50 Plus stages a year to 1000s of people I can tell you about my mokotjo amazing coaching clients, I can tell you about all my background, all the stuff that shows up on Google. Let me tell you right now the things that that keep me refreshed, that keep me grounded are all those things that would never show up in the Google search. All those things that would never show up on my LinkedIn profile. You make folks and call me bestselling author, podcast host coach excetera speaker, you know what I call myself I call myself GGS husband. I call myself August and Harper’s dad, when I need to recommit to something when I need to stay grounded, I need to think of those big rocks right there. That is the core of that is the essence of my being years ago, years ago, Natalie, I was dating a woman when I was living in New York City working in the television industry. And I was out a lot in the public profile, hosting events, going to galleries and all of that. And I’ll never forget, we went meet this girl went to a gala together, amazing woman. And we came back that night to her apartment. And while she was getting undressed in the mirror, she said something to the tune of. And she said it lovingly, she said, You know, sometimes I wish that you could give me the same amount of attention and energy that you give to strangers. And that hit me so hard. Because as business owners as service providers, we give so much to everyone else. But sometimes it’s amazing how we can sometimes give our least our worst to the people that matter most in our life, our spouses, our significant others, our partners, our kids, our family, and our friends. So I travel a lot. I’m on a plane. So sometimes, when I’m coming home from a long trip and I’m tired and I’m exhausted, I will have to park two blocks away from my home after getting back from LAX. Not to amp myself up now to tell myself Tony, don’t you go in that house tired? Don’t you go in there saying how exhausted you are? Don’t you go in there looking for what’s wrong if the rooms a little bit messy if the dishes aren’t in the sink? No, you go in there and you bring joy you bring light? In a powerful question we can always ask ourselves is what shows up when you show up? Do things get better? Or do they get worse? You know, I don’t know about you. But I want to be a builder. I want to be a destroyer. And I can’t say I’ve always been that dude that light things up when he comes home from business trips that that I have to make a conscious choice every single day to recommit to being the best version of myself. So that means working out. I don’t want to get up at 430 this morning to work out but I know I’m a better husband and I’m a better father. I’m a better professional when I sweat and I get that crazy out of my head. That means cutting off at a certain point at the end of the day and in this remote work environment. As you know it is so easy just to work all day. You may not be at a desk, but we can continually be doing this working. Even though we’re at the dinner table. I have to have an off time for that. I have to make sure I’m eating full food that really really fuels me and As we’re talking about today, surrounding myself with people who make me better, surrounding myself with people get this, who are clapping when I win? Those people that are excited to see you win, think about the people in your life. Are they clapping when you win? Do you have any business owners, they think they have friends, but they’re actually competitors who aren’t necessarily rooting for them. You need these people in your life because they’re going to fuel you through this ebbs and flows of things going good, bad economies, losing clients, challenges and marriages, you got your problems, as you know, so much going on. We need those folks in our life. Yes,
Natalie Franke
we talk a lot in you know, the work I’ve done with rising tide and with our leaders, I always say, you know, when it comes from Seth Godin is quote, like, you know, be the leader you wish you had when you started, but it’s like, be the friend that you wish you had in business, when you were building that business, the type of friend that put competition aside, and truly rooted for you truly cheered for you. And then when things didn’t go, well, they were the first one to bend down and help pick you up. Right, they were the first one to be there for you to support you. Because I you know, I’ve seen that even in my own careers. It’s, it’s easy for people to come alongside you and you’re winning seasons, but also, yes, we want to see them clapping for us, when we win, watch for who is still there, and you’re losing seasons, watch for who is still there, right on the grind up when you’re building the business. And people doubt you and they’re saying, you know, oh, I can’t believe you know, he quit his job to go do this thing, or I can’t believe she’s doing XYZ, the critics are always going to be there. But watch for the people that step in and say, No, you don’t get it, they’re going to be successful, you don’t get it, I see what he’s doing. And they stand up for you in those seasons. Because those are the types of relationships you deserve. Like your, you deserve, you deserve. And the moment that we start thinking to ourselves, Tony, like, I deserve a friend who’s going to fight for me as hard as I fight for everybody else. I deserve a partner who is going to be there, you know, when when things get rough. And for each of us in these different moments, like I can say to you, my my husband, my partner, I mean, he is I, I say this to Him all the time I say I’m married way up, I’m married way up, and he’ll joke and be like, no, no, I’m married way up. Be with somebody you know, in your life, whether that’s a friend or a partner, a business partner, find the folks in your life that look, you know, at each opportunity in their relationship with you, it through that lens through that lens of like, you know, it’s not about even meeting 5050 It’s like they want to show up 9010 Right, and they know you’re gonna show up for them. 9010 on those days, especially when you need it. Partnership, friendship, relationships, in life and in business are everything
Antonio Neves
are absolutely everything. And one thing we don’t talk about, and this was one of the most popular man morning issues of the newsletter ever, we talked about how we forget that friendships require effort. Yes, we forget that friendships and community sometimes required doing the end convenient thing. Sometimes that means with my men’s group, after driving an hour, I’m gonna lay some I’m gonna have to drive an hour. And I’m complaining, I’m in LA traffic and all this kind of stuff. But guess what, once I show up, and I’m talking to the guys, I forgot about that hour, when your buddy invite you to help them with a home improvement project early on a Saturday morning. It’s like the last thing you want to do. But when you get there, and you’re helping them hang some cabinets in his garage, and he opens up by something challenging he’s going through. We are so glad we’re there in a day and age where things like rock car, you know, ride sharing services, like Uber and Lyft are so ubiquitous and your friend reaches out and says, Hey, can you pick me up from the airport and you’re like, Yo, just get a get a lift? Once that person gets in the car and you pick them up at the airport, even though it was inconvenient and you to start laughing immediately. You’re picking up where you left off. You’re like, Oh, I’m so glad I did this. Be willing to put in the effort. Even if it’s inconvenient. I say great friendships are built on inconvenience.
Natalie Franke
I love that. Oh, I love that I’m on fight. You’d literally have me all fired up Toady. I’m like, Yes. Yes. And yes. And mic drop and Mic drop. I agree. 110%. And this is a podcast, all about the science of self made success. And truly, you know, I think I think we’re hitting on something that we often dismiss as if it’s not an, you know, unnecessary element will say, oh, all you know, go hang out with my friends another time. I’m too busy. Oh, I know, I feel lonely. But like I can deal with it. It’s not crucial. It’s not, you know, something I need to address right now. But what I’m hearing from you and what I also know to be true is that that’s just not the case. Like we have to address these aspects of our lives on a daily basis. We have to be leaning in and making that effort that you’re talking about, with friends, friends that you know, you know, could be in multiple different intersections of our lives. And in regards to independent business owners. This also includes other business owners, right finding folks that are doing something similar, that can understand the pressures you’re facing. I understand the responsibilities you’re carrying, and can come alongside you and support you in your journey. And so I’m curious for you, like, you know, have you had any mentors in particular folks you’ve looked up to in your industry folks who’ve really inspired you in this way who’ve, you know, been alongside you on your journey that, you know, you consider now maybe to be a friend?
Antonio Neves
Oh, absolutely. I have so many mentors, you know, I have so many that I can name you know, folks names that you would recognize of authors and different coaches across the industry, fellow business owners that you would never know their name, but they’re killing it. And they’re doing extremely well, folks that I’ve 100% been in my corner, I know, I can call them they know, they can call me, they seem to always call at the right time, or send that text when I need it, or give me that push. And something else. That’s important, even though I have those mentors, and a lot of people will say, That’s great for you, Natalie, that’s great for you, Tony, I don’t have those people in my life. Well, if you don’t have those people in your life, there’s a couple of things you can do one, I always feel like mentors are the people that I listened to. So if you listen to this podcast right now you have two mentors in me. And Natalie is the books that I listen to those are net, those are mentors, as well. And I want to say something to every business owner right now, because we have every excuse as we’re looking at our balance sheets not to spend money, right, right? Oh, I can’t make that investment. I can’t do this. Sometimes you have to write a check. Sometimes you have to write a check to work with a coach. Sometimes you have to write a check to join a mastermind. Sometimes you have to write a check to join a community that monthly subscription that you pay to show up every single month for something that check that right there is an investment in you being a better everything a better business owner, a better spouse, a better friend, a better a better parent, you name it, when you interact with these people. And yes, sometimes you have to write a check that rubs off on you provides like an amazing kind of friction for you’re going to get insight and it’s going to provide certain types of of leaps, in growth for you that you wouldn’t have. I paid to join a variety of communities that join virtually. And it makes me think back when I was in grad school at Columbia University. I remember working on my master’s thesis now this amazing Pulitzer Prize winning author as my master’s advisor, and I was freaked out because I had like this amazing talent as my advisor. And he saw that I was hesitant to regularly turn in drafts of my thesis. And he challenged me on is like, Yo, why are you always late? Why are you Why aren’t you? Why aren’t you turning this in on time? I said, because when I turn it in, I know what’s going to come back filled up with red ink, and it’d be so much work to do. And he laughed, and he said something to the tune of Don’t you know, you pay for the red ink. That’s where the magic is. So that red ink, I’m talking about sometimes writing that check to get that encouragement to get that support to get that inspiration to get that accountability, we need that red ink, we need that good friction in our lives. So many of us, you know, I firmly believe that we are all like, you know, amazing beings living in Zig Ziglar used to call these billion dollar bodies, right? But it’s kind of like, just imagine, imagine even if you’re not a fan of like say Lamborghinis, you know an amazing Italian sports car. But imagine if you owned a Lamborghini, Lamborghini amazing generic cars and over 200 miles an hour. Now imagine if you owned that, and you only drove it at 35 miles per hour. That’s not what a Lamborghini is built for. And so many of us are living these 35 mile per hour lives. You have so many different gears you can shift to in your life and in your business, especially if you’re willing to surround yourself with the right individuals. It can make all the difference in the world. Oh, if the power
Natalie Franke
of the people in your life. I love that in closing this up. And I don’t want to I could keep going for hours. I really could. I just looked at the time. I was like, wow, we Wow. Okay, yeah, we will be good. I want to ask a final question. And this is a question I asked all of our guests at the end of our episodes. And because this is a podcast about the science of self made success. I’m curious to know, Tony, what do you think differentiates the businesses that succeed from the ones that fail?
Antonio Neves
Difference between the businesses that succeed and the ones that fail? I will say is that goes back to what I said earlier, those folks that are truly committed, it’s easy to get an LLC, right. It’s how easy it is to go to one of these websites and start an LLC or a corporation. It’s easy to spend time creating a logo it’s easy to to spread the word to the communities Guess what I just started XYZ company these are our service offerings etc. But what do you do when all that goes away? When those when that LLC paper is a little bit dusty and that their corporation papers a little bit dusty and people are wondering what’s going on? It’s those folks that are willing to commit and recommit every single day to those things that are most important. I find that people that when one thing they are, is consistent, and they may have some big goal, they reach a certain amount of revenue. But I find that the people individually and the companies that are successful, whereas they may have this big goal, this big vision they’re tackling, what they do is they make sure on a daily basis, they’re doing those key activities every single day that will lead to that those lead measures so many people focus on the end goal that quote unquote, lag measure, but I find that the people who are successful are the ones that are willing to do those small things every single day, when no one is watching. It’s great to be on stages is great to be interviewed on podcasts. It’s great to be quoted in interviews. But that is such a small part of the work that we do what you do on an average Tuesday, when no one is paying attention. When you’re not on stage, when you’re when you’re not being profiled, that’s going to determine your success, or failure. Are you willing to do the work when no one is watching? It’s so cool to watch the Olympics, and watch that man or woman win the 100 meter dash in front of a stadium full of people. People forget about the four years leading up to that when no one was in the stands. No one was in the audience. No one was clapping for them. But they still had to show up every single day. What are those people have in common? They committed their recommitted every single day. And they did not do it alone. No one. No one who has accomplished anything of significance did it alone, and neither should you.
Natalie Franke
And with that, Antonio navs, thank you so much. Thank you.
Natalie Franke
That ends our episode of The Independent Business Podcast. Everything that we’ve discussed today can be [email protected] Head to our website for access to show notes, relevant links and all of the resources that you need to level up. And if you’ve enjoyed today’s episode, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you never miss our future content. Drop us a review and leave our guests some love on social. Thanks again for listening.
